


Homesmut - Audio Script Archive

by schrodingersTroll



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Sex, Audio Script Format, F/F, F/M, Light Bondage, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Oral Sex, Smut, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-24 21:56:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3785692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schrodingersTroll/pseuds/schrodingersTroll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here are all of my scripts created for Homesmut Voices, Smutstuck Voices, and Homefuck Voices. These were made to be voiced by actors on smut blogs and edited to include sound effects. As such, they include sound direction, actor emotion cues, and other (sometimes silly) notes in parenthesis. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Message in a Bottle (Rose/John)

(Starting midconversation, Rose got drunk and Kanaya's unhappy.)

Kanaya: (Angry) Then I hope your soporific glass bottles can talk, because they're the only company you will have if you insist on avoiding sobriety as though it was plague-ridden. Perhaps, tomorrow morning, the harrowing side effects will bring you to your senses. But probably not. Good night, Rose.

Rose: (Drunk as a skunk) Nite-nite, Kanya Maryme! I hope your grumpyfangs-toothache gets bet(hic) better!

(Kanaya sighs, leaves and closes door. Rose lies down, whispering sweet nothings and drifting into snores.)

(Rose opens her eyes to the battlefield. She is noticeably less drunk, but not completely sober, in the dream bubble. She talks to herself)

Rose: Hmm? Ahh, I must have passed out. (Chuckle)The battlefield, an interesting choice from our ever benevolent horrorterrors. And, once again, they have seen fit to dull the edge of my intoxication. One would not expect gargantuan intergalactic monstrosities to be such prudes. (Pause) But Light's fortune smiles on me; I never lost my grip! I suppose dear Kanaya was right, you'll have to keep me entertained for the rest of this boorish dream. What's that? You want a kiss? (Giggle) Darling, you know I can never refuse you.

(Rose starts chugging her FLASK OF WHISKEY. A breeze stirs in the background. After a few chugs she's interrupted by car beeps. Rose is surprised and sprays alcohol everywhere. John whooshes his dad's car down next to her, navigating with the windy thing.)

John: Hi, Rose! Long time no see!

Rose: (Dazed, slightly drunk) John? Is that really you... driving a flying car?

John: I'm sorry, Rose. I think I shocked the sarcasm out of you, along with all that apple juice!

Rose: (Slyly) Don't play innocent, John, I think you knew that all the girls would be dazzled by your stunning airborne ride.

John: (Chuckle) Yeah, I'm basically king of stud mountain. (Trying to be smooth) Jump in, sweetcheeks, and maybe I'll take you 'round the block a few times.

Rose: Swoon! My parents think he's trouble but I just can't resist!

(Car door opens, then closes.)

John: All aboard! And buckle up, because it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Rose: It's good to know that safety is a priority on Skaian Heirways. (Seatbelt snap) Tell me, how's the beverage and food service?

John: All we have are nuts, and we need them to pilot this thing! (John imitates a pilot and makes a static noise)Please turn off all electronic or magic devices and return your seatbacks and cauldrons to their full upright positions. Flight attendants, prepare for takeoff.

(Windy thing sound effect. Keep slight background breeze until the car stops.)

John: We have lifdoff! I'll make sure to announce the scenic views we pass during flight. On our left we have a bunch of giant dead chess monsters. So, tell me Rose, what have you been up to?

Rose: Do you mean before or after I went on a suicide mission, ascended to godhood, created the Green Sun, and united with the trolls?

John: After.

Rose: After we scrubbed the ubiquitous troll blood off the walls, we settled in for the long haul. Sure, we break up the monotony with juvenile dramas and forays into dream bubbles, but it mostly comes down to passing time until we arrive at our destination. (Pause) Oh, and Kanaya is my girlfriend, now.

John: (Awkwardly) Oh, uhm... do you mean she's like a girl who is also your friend or uh...

Rose: (Slyly) No, I'm afraid I mean 'girlfriend' in the classic sense, John. Tell me, do homosexual relationships disturb you?

John: (Nervously) No! I love lesbians as much as the next guy! Er, by that I mean-(Rose interrupts)

Rose: (Laugh) Relax, John. It's good to see you haven't changed.

John: Sheesh! I forgot how snarky you can get. (Pause) If you look out the window, we're passing over what is basically the Grand Canyon made by Prospit's falling moon.

Rose: How fares your own intrepid outfit? I imagine life is far more glamorous aboard the Prospitian battleship.

John: (Sulkily) Yeah right! Jade and Dave sprite paired up spend so much time dating and smooching that I have almost nobody to talk to, except my Nanna and those brainless consorts. I spend so much time bored out of my gourd! 

Rose: I'll drink to that! (Gulp)

John: Rose, I think that apple juice is spoiled. It doesn't smell right and, no offense, but you smell kinda funky too.

Rose: You could say it's a more mature sort of apple juice. Free time breeds all manner of intriguing... experimentation. I've managed to craft several potent brews with the alchemiter.

John: Didn't you hate it when your Mom drank?

Rose: Looking back, I was quite the handful for any single mother. She needed some outlet for her frustration, and, like her, I have 'children' of my own to baby sit. I find these spirits quite soothing for the nerves. Want a sip?

John: Uh, no thanks. I've got to keep a clear head for flying!

Rose: Suit yourself. (Gulp)

John: Speaking of flying, I've been neglecting my pilot duties! On our right you can see the hole I made as I dug down to the tumor. On our left is one of Prospit's many castles-oh.

Rose: John? (Quietly) Is that...?

John: (Somberly) Yeah, it's the castle where we met for the very first time. And where Jack killed your Mom and my Dad. (Pause) Rose, can I tell you something without you going all psych-therapist mode on me?

Rose: (Sincerely) You can tell me anything, John. I won't judge.

John: Not long after we left our session, in a dream, I found myself back at that castle. I don't really know why I went inside, I guess I had something to prove. (Pause) That crazy grimdark cloud filled the whole sky and covered the place with oily rain. That was you, wasn't it?

Rose: Yes, I condensed my grief into black liquid sorrow.

John: I retraced our steps up the tower, over all the blood and bodies and his footprints, everything just the way I remembered... I climbed all the way to the last staircase. But I couldn't, Rose. I just couldn't go up those stairs! I knew my Dad was up there, and maybe Jack too. I wanted to go up and say goodbye to my Dad, or at least get dream revenge on Jack. But I... couldn't. So, I ran away.(Pause) Am I a coward, Rose?

Rose: John, you are many things, but a coward is not one of them. Don't torture yourself over something you cannot change. That's just my opinion as a non-psych-therapist. 

(Silence for a couple seconds)

John: I changed my mind. Can I try some of that?

Rose: Here.

(Rose passes the bottle. John tries it.)

John: Ugh! Foul. Rose, how do you drink this stuff?

Rose: You get used to it.

(John tries a bit more, then passes the bottle back)

Rose: (Changing the subject, more upbeat) Could you appease my curiosity by telling me how you got a car?

John: (Upbeat) Oh, sure! I kinda just appeared inside it after I went to sleep. It's a memory from back in our game session. I found my Dad's wallet on the ground and he had a spare car sitting around inside it. I went on a crazy adventure with a black chess guy, and we went all over Skaia, just like we're doing now! It was kind of like the magic carpet ride from Aladdin. I showed him the world, Rose. At least I did until we crashed into something.

Rose: (Quietly) Tree.

John: That's right, it was a tree!

Rose: (Louder) Tree, John.

John: Yeah, how did you know about that? I thought-

Rose: (Panicky) John, watch out for that-

(The car runs headlong into a tree. Have fun with the sound effects.)

Rose: (Weakly) Tree...

John: (Coughing) My old nemesis... we meet again.

Rose: John, if you can't evade the arboreal menace, it's probably for the best that you never got your license. 

John: Only because I never got to take driver's ed.!

Rose: (Rummaging) At least my bottle survived...

(Banging sound)

John: Damn, the door is too bent to open. Yours looks wedged on the tree.

Rose: Try crawling to the back seat.

(Scuffling, grunting noises.)

John: Okay, you next.

Rose: There's something pinching my leg. I'm stuck.

John: Here, I'll pull you back between the seats. 

Rose: Careful, John. Mind your mangrit.

John: Okay, 3, 2, 1, heave!

(More scuffling, grunting, then they are in the back seat.)

John: (Bashfully) I'm sorry, I ruined our magic tour.

Rose: (Tipsy) To be honest, I've seen it all before. Usually my dreams on the battlefield end with me idly floating around the skies until I wake up. (Take a swig) It's good to have company for once, even under the circumstances.

John: Yeah, it's uh, kind of cramped back here.

(Pause)

Rose: You know, I used to have a thing for you. 

John: Uhm, do you think you've maybe had enough? You're starting to spout crazy talk. (Try to laugh, fail at it.)

Rose: Oh, c'mon. You've never felt the same for me?

John: (Nervous) I don't know if we should talk about this...

Rose: Here, try some brown liquid courage.

John: I guess just a little more won't hurt. (Bottoms up) Maybe it was all the excitement, or wishful thinking, or even the shipping grid Karkat drew, but 13 year-old me really thought that he'd marry you some day. Silly, right?

Rose: It's not silly, John. (Gloomily) When Jack stabbed you, I thought I had lost you. It felt like something broke, and I went into a rage. A futile rage, as it turned out.

John: I thought I'd lost you too, after I came back. I um, I had to smooch your corpse to bring dream you back to life.

Rose: I guess that makes you my Prince Charming?

John: (Laugh) Frankly, Rose, it was actually pretty gross.

Rose: (Seductively) Maybe I could make it up to you with the real thing?

John: (Nervous) Uh, aren't you... kind of... um, spoken for?

Rose: It's just a kiss.

(Pause)

John: Okay.

(Sloppy makeouts ensue in the backseat of John's Dad's car. Sooner or later, John moves to cop a feel. John halts makeouts.)

John: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch-

Rose: John, it's fine. I won't break when handled.

John: But Kanaya...

Rose: She rejected me, she doesn't want me. It's clear that you do. Come on, John, now's your chance! Who knows when we'll meet agai-? (John smooch-interrupts)

(More makeouts, this time with fondling. Eventually hands move south.)

John: Geez, you're pretty wet.

Rose: And you're stiff as wizard's wand.

John: (Deadpan) Rose, don't make this weird.

(Rose laughs. Fondles continue for a bit.)

Rose: Help me get my pants off.

(Scuffling)

Rose: Panties too, John!

(Quieter scuffling)

John: How are we gonna do this? I need to know what angle to use.

Rose: Just sit back and let me get on and... (Gasp) There. 

(Sex! Moans! Gasps! Etc. Insert following lines during sex, each section broken into segments. Feel free to insert above sex noises midline wherever you feel necessary.)

Rose: Your girth is quite impressive. I think you might even beat Kanaya's largest toy.

John: Don't... don't say her name while we... you know.

Rose: (Pause.) Please, accept my sincerest apologies. I'll make it up to you later.

\---------------------------------

Rose: Unf! Unf! Nnnff!

John: Too hard?

Rose: Not hard enough! C'mon, I'm not made of fine china. Put your back into it!

\---------------------------------

(Rose takes a few gulps from the bottle midsex)

John: Rose? Are you still drinking?

Rose: Don't worry, I saved some for you.

John: Whuh-oh- (Rose puts the bottle to his lips and John takes a few more swallows) Bleuuugh, it makes me wanna throw up.

Rose: (Fake shocked) Oh no, not on these fine leather seats! The upholstery would be ruin-(Smooch)

\---------------------------------

John: (Bangs his head on the car roof) Shit! This place is too damn cramped.

Rose: (Giggle) Too tight for comfort, John? 

\---------------------------------

(At the end, Rose orgasms alone.)

Rose: John... uhn. John, I'm close. I'm gonna... (Orgasm)

(Wait a bit for Rose to recover.)

Rose: Did you...?

John: Uh, no. But it was really good, so don't worry-

Rose: John, I said I'd make it up to you, and I mean to keep my word. Let me just shift a little... there.

John: Rose, I think I'm knocking on the wrong door here, if you know what I mean.

Rose: It's not wrong if I say it's right. Kan- er, that is to say, nobody else has tried my other avenue of approach.

John: But- (Rose smooches him)

Rose: Shhhh, just start pushing.

(Anal sex! Same as before, lines to be inserted... Into the scene, that is. Not rectally.)

John: Geez, it's pretty, y'know, tight.

Rose: I should keep a lubricant on me for situations like this. One other than the social variety.

\---------------------------------

Rose: Unh! Ah! Ouch! (Ultra girly, whiny voice) John, please, try to treat me like the delicate flower I am.

John: Augh, make up your mind!

Rose: (Laughs.) Just kidding. (Moan) Relax, John, I want you to enjoy this as much as I am. (Smooch)

\---------------------------------

Rose: Don't forget the existence of my breasts. They feel sorely neglected.

John: I can fix that.

\---------------------------------

John: Rose, I think ungh, I think I'm about to blow. Should I pull out?

Rose: Don't worry, Seers are immune to anal impregnation. Fire when ready, John. 

(John snorts.)

(John orgasms. In the afterglow, both breath hard as they recover.)

Rose: It's about now that the guilt is supposed to set in, right?

John: And... Is it?

Rose: (Long pause) Yes. (Shorter pause) I'm sorry John, I think this was a mistake.

John: (Pause) Can I ask a very personal question?

Rose: After what we've done, I'm not sure how much more personal this can get.

(Pause for a good 3 second awkward silence.)

John: Rose... (Speaking rapidly) Do you love Kanaya?

Rose: My, my, that is a personal question.

John: Well... do you?

Rose: (Pause, beginning timidly) Our relationship is, at the risk of sounding terribly cliche, complicated. We argue over issues that, in retrospective, seem almost meaningless. On the other hand, she and I have so much in common. Once we got past our initial snark-off, our interests, our goals, and our personalities meshed together. 

Rose: (Pause, then more confidently) It's more than that, though. Back when I first began to descend into the dark magics, she was always there, fussing and bothering. Though I didn't appreciate it at the time, she always held my best interests in mind. She makes me want to try harder, to stop drinking as a crutch, to become a better person. In that way, she really is my better half. 

Rose: (Pause, then very confidently) Kanaya and I have had our disagreements, tonight most definitely included, but they will not be the end of us. To answer your question... Yes, I do love her.

Rose: (Pause, quietly) We can't do this again, John.

John: I understand. I don't want to mess up what you and she have... any more than I already did. 

Rose: This isn't your fault. This was my decision. I will (Pause) have to tell her what I've done. (Quietly) 

John: Maybe she'll understand? I mean, trolls have weird love/hate going on with loads of people at the same time, don't they?

Rose: Yes, but they still know a betrayal when it slaps them in the face. I can only hope Kanaya can, in time, come to forgive me.

(A drawn out pause.)

John: I think it's time for me to wake up. I'm getting pulled away.

Rose: Goodbye for now, John. I know we will meet again in the new session.

John: I can hardly wait. Bye Rose, see you soon!

(John fades away with some spectacular sound effect. Rose picks up and rolls the liquor bottle in her hands. Add glass and shifting liquid sound effects. Rose rolls down a backseat window.)

Rose: As for you, my darling, I think I've had enough.

(Rose chucks the bottle out the window and it shatters on the ground.)


	2. Fingerpaint (Nepeta/Meulin)

(Raise curtains. Nepeta walks along her shipping wall, then climbs a very tall ladder to reach a high-up space for painting. She talks to herself as she finishes a wall painting.)

Nepeta: Hmm, no... she's not quite the right shade of blue... ah, that's better. Let's see... is there anything else? Oh! I almost furgot Meenah's cute little goggles. There. Purrfect. Now the clubs to cap it off. Annnd... just abouuuut... done!

(Meulin speaks up quite loudly. She can't regulate her own volume.)

Meulin: Wow! Nice shipping wall!

(Nepeta is startled by Meulin. Taken by surprise, she loses her footing on the ladder and falls while wailing cutely.)

Meulin: Oh no! I've got you!

(Meulin catches Nepeta.)

Both: Oof!

Meulin: Uhm...

Nepeta: P-put me down! 

Meulin: Right, yes!

(She puts her down)

Nepeta: (Flustered) You didn't need to catch me! I would have landed on my paws! And what's with all the shouting? I almost had a heart attack!

Meulin: (Sheepishly) I'm so sorry! I can never tell when I'm being too loud. I only wanted to get a look at your shipping wall. Please, accept my most heartfelt apurrlogy.

Nepeta: Well... okay. I can't stay mad at a fellow matchmaker. Consider yourself furgiven! Not only that, I'll give you the grand tour!

Meulin: Ooh! That's spec-catular! I must say, your shipping wall is simply tremendous!

Nepeta: (Giggle) It used to be much more humble. Since I've met so many new people, both trolls and humans, my wall has grown expurrnentially! It's honestly been purrplexing and stressful to keep up with romantic developments.

Meulin: OMG I know! A shipper's work is never done! Painting each and every match sounds almost impawsible! I just keep all my charts and fanfics on my compurrter. Would you tell me what were you working on befur I interrupted?

Nepeta: No purroblem! After our amazing costume party brawl, I thought that Aranea would be the purrfect auspistice fur Vwiskers and Meenah. Your Serket seems so much more sensible than ours. Without her, I think those two would tear the dream bubbles apurrt!

Meulin: OMG! They would make a pawsitively adorable ashen threesome!

Nepeta: That would leave Meenah's caliginous quadrant wide open. Purrhaps fur... well no, never mind. 

Meulin: Hmm? Do I detect a juicy bit of gossip? C'mon, I can't not know!

Nepeta: Well, (Lean in and whisper) I thought that you might hold black sentiments fur the fishy purrincess.

Meulin: Fur Meenah? (Giggle) Don't be silly! Meens and I are strictly planktonic. (Pause) I mean, platonic. She did try to kill me once, but I think she just flirts like that with everyone. 

Nepeta: Aww, and I thought you would be so cute together! Now I just HAVE to know who you've really been romantically involved with!

Meulin: I think we can make a deal. I purrmise to tell you more, but only after you've told me about your own relationships!

Nepeta: A ship share? Count me in!

Meulin: Spill it, sister!

Nepeta: My longtime meowrail is Equius. He always gives good advice, even if he can be a bit catrolling! (Quietly) Unfurtunately, my ashen quadrant is vacant.

Meulin: And what about the more... sensual quadrants?

Nepeta: (Gloomily) There's really not much to repurrt there. I've nefur found anyone that I've really hated. I used to think I felt that way about Sollux, but that was doomed from the start.

Meulin: Aww, don't give up so quickly! You might still have a chance!

Nepeta: (Giggle) Thanks for the vote of confurdence. As fur matesprits, I usually try to keep this one a secret... but since we're all shippers here...

Meulin: My lips are sealed!

Nepeta: (Quietly) I don't know if I could tell him how I really feel... But I don't mind telling you. (Passionately) I'm flushed deep red fur our adorably grumpy leader, Karkat! He's just so dreamy and screamy (Purr) Karkat and I are my OTP. 

Meulin: I'm seeing a pattern here.

Nepeta: (Depressingly) That my quadrants are an unfurfilled mess? :((

Meulin: OMG, there's no need to angst! You're still so young! In dream bubbles, you'll have all of time to explore love and hate, (somberly) to hurt others and be hurt yourself. I'm refurring to your prefurences: you've only talked about boys!

Nepeta: (Defensively) What's wrong with that? I like boys!

Meulin: There's nothing 'wrong' with it, pursay, but I think you're limiting yourself. Most of my fafurrite lovers and rivals are ladies! Speaking of which, it's my turn to share, so sit back and get comfurtable!

Nepeta: (Roleplaying) *AC perks her ears up and sits back on her hind paws, watching the other kitty curiously*.

Meulin: Like you, I used to only chase male tails. My first real matesprit was Kurloz. He completed me in so many ways: he was romantic, he was a master of caliginous shipping, and he even helped me explore my spurrituality. Just talking about him brings me back to the feels we used to share... (Pause, then sadly) After the... accident, we drifted apurrt. 

Nepeta: Awwwwww. :((

Meulin: I know he felt guilty, but I never blamed him fur what happened. (Not so sadly) We're still best friends today!

Nepeta: Yay! :33

Meulin: During our session, Purrim introduced me to the feminine purrsuits. She had fur more expurrience with the intimate arts than I. And she really knew how to please a girl! The things she could do with her breath alone... (Purr-shiver).

Nepeta: (RP) *AC is shocked by this sexy confession!*

Meulin: Afterwards, I expurrimented with lots of trolls! Latula was so flexible and athletic, she purrsistently left me breathless. Aranea is an expurrt with her lips and tongue, but I think that's beclaws she talks so much! 

Nepeta: (RP) *AC is wide eyed and scandalized by the kitty's steamy affurs!*

Meulin: Damara... is compli-cat-ed. Fur a time, we hated each other passionately, and I appurreciated her kinky use of toys, but she was too unstable fur my tastes. (Pause) I could keep going, but I don't want to bore you to double death! I've had eons worth of dates and liaisons with just about everyone!

Nepeta: Even Cronus?

Meulin: (Deadpan) No.

Nepeta: *Giggle* I have some of your ships on my wall. I'll see if I can find them. (Speak a bit more faintly, as if she turned away from the listener toward her shipping wall) Hmm... I think I painted you and your Pyrope together somewhere around- (Meulin interrupts)

Meulin: Wait! I can't see what you're saying when you turn away! I need to see your mouth.

Nepeta: Oh, I'm sorry. Sometimes I furrget about your condition. (Pause) Is it very hard, being deaf?

Meulin: Oh, it's not so bad when you get used to it. The hardest part was befur I figured out how to read lips, when I had to learn sign language with Kurloz.

Nepeta: Would you mind showing me a few signs?

Meulin: Sure! We can start with the quadrants! This is how you say 'meowrallegiance'. (Pause) Close, but your pinkie has to come out more.

Nepeta: Like this?

Meulin: Purrfect! Here's the sign fur 'kismesissitude'. (Pause) Good!

Nepeta: (Giggles) That's kind of dirty.

Meulin: I know! Anyway, try 'auspisticism'. (Pause) You're a fast learner. Now this one is the sign fur 'matespritship'...

(Meulin smooches Nepeta on the lips.)

Meulin: (Purr) Very good. 

Nepeta: (Nervously) Um (RP) *AC doesn't know how to react to the other kitty's advances*!

Meulin: Nepeta, I don't want you to be lonely. You've been by yourself in this empty cave for too long! Would it be so bad to spend some time with me?

Nepeta: But I've never done this with a girl befur. (Reluctantly) Or anyone else, either.

Meulin: Then I'll teach you, just like Purrim taught me!

Nepeta: Well... What do I do?

Meulin: Take off your clothes!

(Nepeta starts undressing, Meulin interjects after a moment)

Meulin: Slow down! Take your time to tease and lead up to your big showoffs!

(Nepeta slowly undresses, both giggle, bra hits the floor.)

Nepeta: Like what you see?

Meulin: Sooo CUTE! Your followers demand more!

Nepeta: Well if you want more... you'll have to take them off. W-with your teeth.

Meulin: That's the spirit! Hold still...

(Meulin makes a muffled tugging 'mmmf' sound. Nepeta does a little gasp.)

Nepeta: Um...

Meulin: You're beautiful!

Nepeta: You're making me blush! Also, you're still dressed! Here, let me help with that.

Meulin: Woah, wait, what are you doing with those claws?

(Ripping and tearing sounds as Nepeta claws Meulin's attire apart. Meulin gasps.)

Meulin: Hey! My clothes!

Nepeta: They were in the way. (Giggle) You can always imagine up more.

Meulin: Oh, fine... nice claw work, by the way.

Nepeta: Thanks, I still purractic- (Meulin interrupts with another smooch. Nepeta stammers:). I-I-I don't r-really know what I'm doing.

Meulin: It helps to find your purrtner's sensitive spots.

(Meulin acts out her suggestions in the next line, Nepeta reacts appropriately with purrs/moans.)

Meulin: Just let your hands run wild on their body, while your mouth is busy doing other things. Purrim could drive me wild by kissing my neck. (Smooch) And ears. (Lick)

Nepeta: (Lightheaded) Tell me more.

Meulin: A good way to make your lady lover purr is to pay special attention to her chest. Pay close attention. Breasts need to be handle carefurry. (Fondle)

Nepeta: D-do they like being licked?

Meulin: They do! In fact, they (lick) love (lick) being (lick) licked! (lick) And sucked. (suckle) And pinched! (Pinch)

Nepeta: (Surprised) Ow, hey! You said to handle them carefurry. :((

Meulin: (Giggle) Some like it rough!

Nepeta: Well, I don't!

Meulin: I apurrlogize. Here, let me kiss it better. (smooch)

Nepeta: (Dramatic sigh) Furrgiven.

Meulin: Fur the next purrt, I'll need you to lie down. (Pause) And spread your legs. (Pause) A little wider? Purrfect.

Nepeta: (Quietly) Meulin, will you... be gentle?

Meulin: I'll be gentle, I purrmise.

Nepeta: Okay. :33

Meulin: Now, I'm sure you've expurrimented here by yourself, right?

Nepeta: (Reluctantly) Uhm, well... maybe?

Meulin: There's no need to be shy, everyone does it! I'll show you a few tricks Purrim taught me. 

(Meulin starts fingering Nepeta, Nepeta reacts however the actor feels appropriate.)

Meulin: Well, well, looks like someone has been ready for some time. You're very wet.

Nepeta: I feel hot.

Meulin: I can tell! (Pause) Is that good?

Nepeta: (Moan) You're so good at that.

(Nepeta moans louder and louder, approaching orgasm as Meulin speaks.)

Meulin: (Giggle, speaking slowly with gaps between sentences) Well, I learned from the best! Purrim used to tie me down and wrap silk around my eyes so I was completely helpless, blind, and, obviously, deaf. All I could sense was her touch, and the scent of her perfume. She would toy with my body for hours, tracing provo-cat-ive words on my stomach when she thought up some new erotic game to play. She teased me until I was so close to the edge that I thought I would burst... (Nepeta moans loudly) and then she would stop. (Meulin stops.)

Nepeta: (Huskily) Noooo! Don't stop!

Meulin: Sometimes she would draw it out until I was in tears, begging her to let me come. Luckily for you, I'm not as cruel as Purrim!

(Meulin resumes fingering, Nepeta improvises sexy noises until orgasm.)

Nepeta: (Heavy breathing) That... that was amazing.

Meulin: Sign language makes for strong, flexible fingers, and you were just gorgeous! But I'm not done yet! If you don't mind, I've been pawfully curious about how you taste.

Nepeta: (Lightheaded) As a matter of fact, I don't mind at all.

(Oral Time! C'mon and lick your friends! We'll fuck in very distant lands...)

(Okay, insert the following phrases and conversations where you feel fit. Periods of sex are broken up by lines.)

Meulin: (Giggle) Remind me to teach you the sign for 'soaking wet'!

\--------------------------------

Nepeta: How are you so good at this? 

Meulin: Eons of purractice, and Purrim. She taught me everything I know.

Nepeta: I should show her my shipping wall, next.

Meulin: I'll let her know she might have a new friend soon.

\--------------------------------

Meulin: You taste delicious.

Nepeta: Geez, you're making me blush!

Meulin: Silly kitty, you've been blushing since I started. It looks good on you.

\--------------------------------

Nepeta: (Breathily) Got any more helpfur tips?

Meulin: Mmm, when Purrim was first teaching me, she told me to purretend I was eating a piece of fruit. A very sweet (lick), cute (liiiiick), and yummy piece of fruit. (Tongue twister)

\--------------------------------

(Toward the end)

Nepeta: I'm so hot... I think I'm close!

(Nepeta orgasms.)

Meulin: You should see your face when you come. I can't hear you, but your expurressions tell me everything!

(After a moment of rest.)

Nepeta: (RP) *AC recovers from her swoon, regains her paws, and begins to saunter around her lair.*

Meulin: (Giggle) What are you doing, silly?

Nepeta: (RP) *AC circles her prey, ears flattening down against her head.*

Meulin: Uhhhm...

Nepeta: (RP) *AC tacklepounces her prey!*

(Nepeta tackles Meulin to the ground, Nepeta on top. Meulin yells in surprise.)

Nepeta: (RP) *AC exposes the underbelly of her cute prey and bares her sharp teeth in a threatening growl*.

Meulin: Uh, Meulin surrenders to the pawerful beast!

(Nepeta RP's, Meulin makes appropriate sounds. I probably didn't need to write this, you know by now!)

Nepeta: (RP) *AC nuzzles her sexy prey (smooch) and paws at her weak points. (grope) She can't resist a quick taste befur the main course.* (suckle)

Meulin: (Playing along) Oh no, Meulin is as helpless as she is vulnerable!

Nepeta: (RP) *AC pushes open her prey's hind legs and is purresented with a yummy feast! She toys with her sensitive victim. (fondle)*

Meulin: Nooo! Purrlease, don't tease me! I need you...

Nepeta: (RP) *AC is too hungry to hold back. She dives in and devours her tasty prey!*

(Nepeta eats Meulin out. Purr/moan as needed. Insert following statements where appropriate.)

Nepeta: Mmm, you're delicious too.

Meulin: It's- ahhn- genetic!

\--------------------------------

(Nepeta giggles.)

Nepeta: (RP) *AC's whiskers are getting soaked.* 

\--------------------------------

Meulin: You really are a fast learner.

Nepeta: I had a good teacher. :33

\--------------------------------

Meulin: O...M...G! OMG!

(Nepeta brings Meulin to orgasm.)

Nepeta: (RP) *AC curls up alongside the other kitty in the afterglow and bumps noses with her.* 

Meulin: This pussycat is totally satisfied. (Smooch) So tell me, did I pique your interest in girls?

Nepeta: Hmmm, I'm not sure... I think I need more purrsuading.

(Both giggle. Lower curtains.)

(I probably missed about a million potential cat puns. That might be for the best, some just don't translate well to speech.)


	3. The Sands of Time (Karkat/Aradia)

(Scene opens up on Karkat getting lectured by Kankri. Kankri's lines are literally a tide of 'blahs' mixed in with the occasional understandable word or phrase.)

Kankri: Yes, now as I was saying before: (just say 'blah' a bunch of times, mixing in the following buzzwords) problematic issues, trigger, dysfunctional society, ableist slurs, panquadrant demiromantic, in need of checking one's privilege, cisblooded royalty enforces hemocasteism, impossibly tight pants, shaming the life impaired, triggering euphemisms and, etc.

(Karkat lets out a big deep sigh.)

Karkat: (Thinking internally, slowly and depressed) This is it. This is how I die. Not with a bang, but a lecture. My body is shutting down, no oxygen getting to my brain. Everything's... getting hazy. Whoever writes my eulogy, tell the others how much I really, truly hated them from the bottom of my heart. (Pause) Oh right, when I die, I'll just end up here again. Listening to him. Forever.

(Sound of quick footsteps coming closer as Aradia enters scene.)

Aradia: Oh, Karkat, there you are! Quickly, there's no time! Your moirail was triggered by an insensitive remark and is in desperate need of pacifying!

Karkat: (Confused) Whuh? Gamzee is what? (Growing horror) Oh shit... How many has he killed?

Aradia: I don't know, the limbs and torsos were too scattered to get a real count!

Kankri: Well, this is very problematic. Karkat, I understand that pale romantic duties must come first, so I shall finish my speech, I mean, our conversation, at a later date.

Karkat: (Awkwardly) Oh, yeah, that sounds, uhm, well-

Aradia: (Grabbing Karkat's arm and pulling him away) There's no time! Come with me!

Kankri: (Calling after them, fading away to nothing) Don't forget! Sensitivity with regard to past acts of oppression, such as culling or wiggler violence, is the only way for society to move forward into an era of enlightened thinking and acceptance of...

(After a bit of running and heightened breathing.)

Aradia: Okay, hold up for a second. I think we're good. 

Karkat: (Tired) Please, just tell me he didn't start harvesting heads and talking to them again. Last time, it took forever to scrub the goddamn blood off the walls, and the smell never really went away.

Aradia: Oh, that? (Giggle) I just made up something to get you away.

Karkat: (Relieved) Oh, thank jegus. I almost wet myself like a grub.

Aradia: You were in a pretty bad way when I saw you, and the Seer of Blood was just getting warmed up.  
Karkat: (Pissed) No shit. It was a goddamn waking nightmare. I was seconds away from pulling out my fucking sickle and cutting out my hear ducts. (Sarcastically) Oh, but I wouldn't want to trigger anyone with my blood! I need to check my blood privilege, for all the life impaired fucks who spend their afterlife sucking the souls out of the living.

Aradia: Yes, it seems that some of the restless dead are a bit more... restless than others. 

Karkat: (Feelin' blue) It's just so... ridiculous. For the longest time I thought the whole ancestor thing was bullshit. Wiggler stories for twerps like Tavros and Eridan. Even Vriska, self-proclaimed badass, geeked out over some dusty journal of some long dead pirate.

Aradia: But you were the one who ecto-hatched all of us, including our ancestors.

Karkat: Yeah, but after I played nursemaid to 24 gross, screeching wigglers, I wasn't interested in whichever asshole happened to share my genes from the incestuous ectoslurry. I never really bought into any of it being worth a damn, not until we met the humans.

Aradia: Humans changed your mind?

Karkat: I know, right? Who'da fucking thunk it? But I watched them grow up, taken care of by their ancestors like they were pretend lusii or something. Their weird family dynamics made my thinkpan hurt, with bullshit terms like dad, and mom, and nanna, but after a while, it all kinda made sense. Their ancestors were just smarter, stronger, better versions of themselves.

Aradia: Trolls have lusii of our own.

Karkat: Well yeah, but there's only so much life advice you can get from the gnashing screeches of my old dead lusus. Humans have got someone to look up to, you know? If they all weren't so busy sticking their heads up their own asses, maybe they would have appreciated it. I thought I'd get something like that when we all started running into our ancestors in these dumb bubbles. Instead, I got...

Aradia: Kankri?

Karkat: (Snort) Exactly. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, paradox space has a consistent track record of sucker punching you in the gut and kicking you in the teeth while you're down. Just being related to that asshole makes me feel tainted.

Aradia: I understand your disappointment, but I think you need some perspective. Kankri isn't really your Ancestor. No more than the humans you are travelling to meet are the dead relatives of Rose or Dave.

Karkat: It's the same troll, right? What's the big fucking difference?

Aradia: Come with me, I want to show you something.

(Aradia grabs his arm again, and drags him along.)

Karkat: Woah, hey! Where are we going?

Aradia: You'll see. I just need to find it... let's head through the forest.

Karkat: Forest? There's no... oh. Fucking dream bubbles.

(They move into the forest, sound of rustling leaves and branches snapping as they move through the brush)

Aradia: (To herself) Hmm, now where is it again?

Karkat: Wait up! This brush is going apeshit in my- (Gets a branch in his face) Bluh! Damnit, what the hell are we looking for, Aradia?

(The forest suddenly gives way to a desert, with winds gusting in the background.)

Aradia: A memory, of a time long before our own.

Karkat: Sand? Did you take me to the goddamn beach?

Aradia: No, this is Alternia. We're here to witness a historical event important enough for the vast horrorterrors to record and store here in the depths of paradox space. With my powers, I can travel to it, across time and space.

Karkat: Why? What's so important out in bumfuck nowhere?

Aradia: The beginning of a rebellion. Follow me, we're not far. Should be just over this dune.

Karkat: Aradia, what's the point of all this?

Aradia: You'll see. Come.

(Footsteps, sand crunching, voices in the distance rising.)

Aradia: (Quietly) Get down, they might see us outlined on the horizon.

Karkat: (Normally) Why? If we're really in the past, it's not like we can change anything.

Aradia: Shhh. Keep your voice down. Our presence can still interrupt the proceedings if we're not careful. It would be pointless to doom this timeline for no reason.

(The Signless starts shouting various obscenities and curses dimly heard in the background. This one is up to the actor.)

Karkat: (Quietly) Jegus, there's a shit ton of trolls down there.

Aradia: They're here for the final sermon.

Karkat: Who's that handsome troll in the bondage gear and tall pants? And why is he screaming his fucking head off at everyone?

Aradia: The Signless, your ancestor.

Karkat: No fucking way, that badass is my ancestor? He seems pretty fucking pissed.

Aradia: His fury will sear itself into the hearts of his followers and inspire them to rise up against the Empress. He wears the Righteous Leggings, a holy relic revered by his followers.

Karkat: (Confused) I don't get it, how could that unstoppable shit-spewer Kankri be this leader of trolls? How could this cussing hero be that pretentious fuck?

Aradia: We are all children of circumstance and fate. The Signless was born into our savage world, rising to be a champion. Kankri was born in a world where the worst injustice was to be wealthier, more fit, or more highly blooded than another. Instead of pitched battles and the struggle to survive, they had sheltered lives and debates over problems we see as trivial. As it turned out, peace is a double-edged sword. Their players were too weak to win the game. They needed cunning, ruthlessness, and brutality. They needed you, Karkat.

Karkat: (Proudly) And we won. It wasn't even a challenge. Like taking candy from a grub. (Sourly) At least, until we were fucking robbed and left to die.

Aradia: (Pause) They'll be starting soon.

Karkat: Huh?

(A sharp crack as the executors start whipping the living hell out of the Signless, distant cries of pain.)

Karkat: (Wince) Holy shit, they are fucking him up! (Gasp) It hurts just looking at him.

Aradia: He's to be executed by flogging, but before he dies, he will deliver the Vast Expletive: a tirade so full of rage, that it's said his anger would be inherited by his descendant, whose appearance would herald the end of Alternia.

Karkat: Yeah, I'd be pretty fucking mad too if a bunch of spineless bulgekissers were whipping the shit out of my chitinous ass. I guess that explains why my hate-filled rhetoric seems so fucking divine, like putrid excrement sprayed onto the tortured upturned faces of the filthy masses, who pray to heaven's sphincter for an end to the raging torrent of feculent retribution from the sky.

Aradia: Thank you, Karkat, for that vivid imagery.

Karkat: (Smugly) My eternal pleasure, Megido.

(They pause conversation for a bit to listen to the lashings taking place in the background, the Signless cursing loudly.)

Karkat: I wish we could save him, but we're probably hundreds of sweeps too late for that.

Aradia: (Thoughtfully) True. (Pause) But, perhaps, we can do something to ease his passing. I have an idea.

(Warp sound as second Aradia appears near the event.)

Aradia: Ah, just on time.

Karkat: (Flustered) Hey, that's you! Why the fuck are you naked? More importantly, they're gonna see you down there!

Aradia: I think not.

(Chronomagic sound, maybe a clock coming to a stop, as Aradia places the crowd and executors in stasis.)

Karkat: The fuck was that?

Aradia: She put everyone into stasis, pausing the flow of time for them. Everyone, except the Signless.

Karkat: Why? Is that future you?

Aradia: I have no memory of doing this, so I imagine so. As for why...

Karkat: (Confused as fuck) What's she saying to the Signless? (Pause) Now she's... what the fuck, she's undoing his Righteous Leggings! (Pause) He's naked. Why are you stripping him? What the hell is going on? Oh...

Aradia: Now she's on her knees.

Karkat: (Shocked) Wow, she's uh...

(In the distance, the Signless shouts 'fuck yeah'!)

Aradia: He seems to be enjoying it.

Karkat: Yeah...

Aradia: (Quiet and intimate) I offer what small comforts I am able to for those who carry the weight of the universe on their shoulders.

Karkat: I... don't know what to say.

Aradia: You don't need to say anything.

(Smooch.)

Karkat: Aradia, I didn't really expect this from you.

Aradia: Then it's my pleasure to surprise you. (Hesitantly) Unless... my advances are unwelcome.

Karkat: Fuck, no! Come here.

(Smooch again. Subsequent groping and rustling of clothes.)

Karkat: Help me get your shirt and pants off, can't do anything with these dumb godmaid clothes on.

Aradia: They aren't dumb! They have numerous divine qualities and-

Karkat: -And make it hard as hell to feel you up properly.

Aradia: (Chuckle) Then take them off me, but I get to take off yours too.

(Rustling of clothes.)

Karkat: (As Karkat tries to get her hood off, innuendo time) Ugh, can't seem to quite... damn it.

Aradia: No, you've got to unbutton it first. 

Karkat: Stupid buttons.

Aradia: There. Now you can take it off.

Karkat: They're so big, and round. I can't imagine having to carry that much fucking weight around.

Aradia: You get used to it.

Karkat: I'm glad mine are so damn small, even if Terezi makes fun of them. She thinks everyone's should be pointy, like hers.

Aradia: That's not fair, I think your horns are very charming.

Karkat: Anyway, the rest has definitely got to go as well.

(They take turns stripping each other down to undies. From a distance, the Signless shouts 'My bone bulge is a beacon of light!')

Karkat: That's better. (Grope) You've got, uh, quite the handful.

Aradia: (Grope, Karkat gasps) As do you.

Karkat: Careful, I'm not a fruit you're checking for ripeness.

Aradia: Nor am I a pair of melons, (moan) but I don't mind a bit of squeezing if you don't.

Karkat: Hold on, lemme get your bra. (Pause) Damnit, buttons again. Must be a god thing. (Pause) Grrrr! (Pause) What the fucking shit? Which taintsniffing grubfucker invented this crime against the trollish race?

Aradia: (Giggle) Save your rage for a more deserving target, you don't need to stress out over little things. Here, let me get it.

(Bra snaps open, swing free.)

Karkat: I'm just gonna... uhm... I'll just be busy with these for a bit.

(Boobsmooch.)

Aradia: Be honest, did Terezi deprive you of breasts?

Karkat: (Flustered) It's not like that! It's just, she doesn't have... well, let's just say she's slimmer. (Pause) In the chest department.

Aradia: There's nothing wrong with that. She's a very attractive troll.

Karkat: (Between boobsmooches) Just out of pure, completely fucking innocent curiosity, are you bigger than Feferi?

Aradia: (Heavy breathing) No, she's just slightly bigger than me. Quite impressive, really, but I think mine are a little firmer.

Karkat: (Eyebrow raised) And just how do you know that, Megido?

Aradia: (Occasional little gasps) Let's just say that being caretaker of the afterlife has its... perks. Dying has a way of freeing one's inhibitions, and I am something of a celebrity around here.

Karkat: I guess I should be jealous, but I don't really fancy having a horde of undead assholes following me around, trying to get in my pants.

Aradia: That's a shame, the orgies are (gasp) to die for.

Karkat: Help me get your panties off.

Aradia: Only if you do it with your teeth.

Karkat: Fuck! I never knew you had a raunchy side. I guess being a goddamn ghostbot for so long will do that you, huh?

Aradia: With the strange effects on temporal relativity innate to this place, some of the deceased have been here for a very long time, especially our ancestors. They have had plenty of time to become... quite skilled in the sensual arts, and I've been an eager student. Go on, then, take them off.

(Karkat pulls down her panties with his mouth.)

Karkat: (Huskily) Beautiful. You're so fucking beautiful.

Aradia: (Embarassed) Don't make me blush. Even after everything, I still can't help it.

Karkat: C'mere, hot stuff. Lean back against me.

Aradia: (Rustling) Shouldn't you take your... (Giggle) Thresh Prince boxers off too?

Karkat: Later. After I get done blowing your mind.

Aradia: And just what do you intend to d- uhn!

(Karkat starts fingering her.)

Karkat: Yep, I'm gonna fingerbang you 'till you can't see straight.

Aradia: (Breathing heavily) Fair enough.

(Commence playing of Aradia like a guitar. Insert following lines of dialogue between sections of pure sex noise, but continue sex during dialog.)

(The Signless shouts, "Your mouth is a sacred gift to trollkind!"

Karkat: (Snicker) Shit, would you listen to that? You must be giving him the divine fucking treatment, huh?

Aradia: (Between moans) I'm sure I'm doing my best.

Karkat: You know, it makes me think that all my uptight douchebag of an ancestor needs is a good fuck now and then and maybe he'd ease up on the trigger bullshit.

\----------------------

Aradia: (Extra load moan) You're good at this. Terezi must be a lucky lady.

Karkat: (Bitterly) Heh, yeah, try telling her that. She's too busy rapping with Dave or getting sugar-drunk on Faygo. No time for old flames.

Aradia: Don't sulk, Karkat, it doesn't suit you. Focus on your timeline, on the moment at hand.

Karkat: (Slyly) You mean, focus on what I'm doing with my hand.

Aradia: (Long, drawn out groan) Yes, that too. That's good.

\----------------------

(The Signless shouts, "Your silver tongue is a harbinger of pleasure to come!")

Karkat: (Laugh) Fuck! I think he's losing his goddamn mind down there!

Aradia: (On the edge) And I think I'm delirious. Just finish me off already!

Karkat: Hold on to your horns.

Aradia: Why? What would that help-ung! Oh, oh fates! Karkat! More!

Karkat: I've got you.

Aradia: Mmm, please! I can't... 

Karkat: You can.

(Aradia orgasms loudly. After she's finished, the Signless shouts, "Sing it, sister!" Aradia breathes heavily.)

Karkat: Aradia? You okay?

Aradia: (Breathily) I want you out of those boxers and inside me.

Karkat: Uhh, you sure you don't need like a breather? Maybe a cup of warm moobeast milk?

Aradia: (Determined) Now!

Karkat: Yes, ma'am!

(Rustling sounds of clothing as Karkat strips. Signless shouts "You shall bear witness to my second coming!")

Karkat: (Groan) Geez, he doesn't let up, does he?

Aradia: He's got the right idea. Come here.

(Karkat engages a lusty maid in erotic strife. Same idea as before with dialog mixed into sex.)

Aradia: (Whimper as he enters) Karkat...

Karkat: What's wrong?

Aradia: Just... start slow, okay? Still a little more sensitive than I thought.

Karkat: Yeah, got it.

\----------------------

(The Signless shouts, "This blowjob must have been foretold in prophecy!")

Karkat: Uhn! (Shouting back) Shut up, you horny taint-chafing saint! You're killing my bone bulge!

(The Signless shouts, "You cannot silence the herald of HNNNNGGUHHH!")

Karkat: Goddamnit!

Aradia: Forget about him, eyes forward. I'm right here. (Smooch)

Karkat: Yeah, turns out my bulge's death wasn't heroic or just.

Aradia: You never told me your little friend went god tier. (Karkat grunts, Aradia giggles) Sorry, I mean your 'big friend'.

Karkat: It was after he died in your quest bed. (Makes disgusted noise) Dear Jegus, that was too lame even for me!

Aradia: I think it's cute. (Gasp) Maybe even sexy.

\----------------------

Karkat: Phfeeh! (Spit) I'm gonna taste this gritty ass sand for days!

Aradia: (Slyly) I'm sorry, perhaps I should have taken you back in time to discover the Empress's harems instead? Would that have been a better journey of self-exploration?

Karkat: Well, maybe next time?

Aradia: (Laugh) Convince me.

\----------------------

(Karkat and Aradia approach orgasm. The Signless shouts, "The revelation is nearly upon me!")

Karkat: (Moan) I hate to say something so fucking cliche, but I don't think I can hold back much longer.

Aradia: (Huskily, quietly) Then don't. Be rough.

(The Signless shouts, "Oh, holy shiiiiiit!" Sex begins to accelerate, voices rising to a crescendo.)

Aradia: Faster, Karkat! Harder!

Karkat: Damnshitassbitchfuck... fucking... gotta... put your leg up here. There.

Aradia: Yes! Like that! Don't stop! More, more!

Karkat: Aradia...

(Aradia orgasms first, then Karkat shortly after. Rest for a bit to recover before speaking.)

Karkat: Wow. You were... (smooch) un-fucking-believable.

Aradia: You weren't so bad yourself.

(Future Aradia speaks up, referred to as F. Aradia from here on.

F. Aradia: And so much fun to watch!

Karkat: (Surprised) Woah, what the fuck? Who...?

Aradia: Relax, it's only future me.

F. Aradia: Yes, I finished up over there and decided to catch the end of the show.

Aradia: Did you enjoy your sacred task?

F. Aradia: Oh yes, and I'm happy to report that the Signless has an impressive reserve of stamina! 

Aradia: (To Karkat) I guess it must run in the blood, right, Karkat?

Karkat: Uhh, hold on, my brain is trying to catch up after being deep fried in genetic material.

(Double giggle.)

F. Aradia: That's fine, it's about time past me left anyway. She has a loop to complete and a messiah to comfort in his time of need. 

Aradia: (Disappointed) Oh, I have to go already?

F. Aradia: Yes, but you'll be back soon. (Smooch other Aradia) Go on, then. Don't forget to pull up his Leggings when you're done.

Aradia: (Moving away) Bye Karkat, talk to you in a bit! (Temporal warp sound.)

Karkat: Bye?

(Future Aradia now simply referred to as Aradia.)

Aradia: Now, I'm afraid, history must resume its march into the unavoidable future. (Shouting) Are you prepared for the end, Sufferer?

Sufferer: (Shouting) Free these wretched lapdogs, I am not afraid of their lashings! They do not know the storm they will unleash by making a martyr of me!

Aradia: (Whispering) So be it.

(Time speeding back up sound, followed by noises of the crowd, resumed whippings, and the curses of the Sufferer. After a bit, Karkat speaks.)

Karkat: Thanks for this, Aradia. And I don't just mean for the sex. I feel... better. More clearheaded. I didn't know how much my disappointment for that douchebag, Kankri, had been bothering me until I let it go.

Aradia: That's wonderful to hear. With the final battle approaching, our friends and allies need you. They need the Karkat that brought down the Black King, now more than ever.

Karkat: (Pause for a bit, listening to the torture down below) He can't win, can he?

Aradia: The Signless, you mean?

Karkat: I'm no history buff, but the fact that the Condesce still ruled with an iron fist in our time means that his rebellion failed, right?

Aradia: (Pause) Yes, his followers were crushed. All that remains of his flock is in the dream bubbles, amongst the fallen.

Karkat: (Humorless chuckle) If a troll like him can't win against the Empress, what makes you think I have a snowflake's chance in hell against... against whatever catastrophe we're flying into?

Aradia: I don't know. For all my power, I cannot see the twisted paths of fate, nor the hands that shape them, but I do know that there is no hope at all if we do not try our best.

Karkat: That's mega cheesy, Megido. (Pause) C'mere, sit next to me. It's getting kind of cold out here.

(Sounds of movement and crunching sand as they snuggle up.)

Aradia: Watch, now... it's not often you get to see the birth of a new era.

(In the distance, the Sufferer vents the end of his Vast Expletive. Up to the actor on how you want to do it. A good old, extra long, "FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK" might do the trick. End scene with the sounds of gusting winds and shifting sand.)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it. I'll be adding more scripts regularly until all 13 are posted.


End file.
